Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product. - Eleanor Roosevelt

As I've written already, the school and work load is pretty intense right now.  It seems that most of my time is spent doing only academic or work related stuff.  Not really how I enjoy spending my time...

So a little break is always welcomed.  Today a group of us from class went out afterwards for some food and drinks.  It's nice getting to see people outside of the classroom, talking about stuff that's not school related.  It sort of humanizes all of us and is a nice reminder that we're more than just what we read for class.  My heart was smiling so much during our lunch, that I didn't want to leave!  I'm looking forward to more opportunities to get to know my classmates, especially those I haven't had the chance to really chat with so far.

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. - Robert Brault

For the last couple of weeks, it seems as though the only times I leave the house is when I absolutely have to.  I have to go to school, go to work, or got to family's for dinner.  It's not just been about going out just because.  And that gets kind of exhausting.  In fact, I've started to just not want to go out, and instead staying in when I don't have to be somewhere.  Which is good, but also not really all that good because I then start to only do school work when I'm home, so that eventually it feels like every waking minute is consumed by school and work.

Which is why today was so nice.  After school and work, I went out with Chris for dinner and a movie.  It was nice for that little bit to be out in the world and not doing something that needed to be done.  There was no task involved.  Also, the movie was rather entertaining and enjoyable.

So the smiling heart moment for the day was being able to do something that I didn't have to do, and enjoying it.  It was small and simple, but it gave me a much needed break.

Happiness is a form of courage. - Holbrook Jackson

It's funny how sometimes moments that make you uncomfortable or stressed can turn into moments that, when you look back on it, are good moments.

Today in class we had a really uncomfortable conversation on the idea of white complicity.  Someone made a comment that wasn't very well received by the class (myself included).  In moments like that, I often like to shrink back and hope that they just resolve themselves and pass.  I don't particularly like getting involved in conflicts, and my immediate reaction is for flight.  However, as the discussion continued on, I realized that I could offer a unique perspective into the conversation, and could feel that others were waiting for me to say something.  I very cautiously put up my hand, then quickly put it back down, but I was too late.  The teacher noticed, and I was eventually called on.

The thing is, I don't really like sharing personal stories in arguments, especially in tense situations where it could be tossed back at me.  I guess I've just been hurt too many times, so I find it easier to withdraw.  So when it was my turn to speak, my heart was thumping like mad, my face turned beat read, my voice was quivering, and my hands were shaking.  But I got what was needed to say out, and afterwards, people came up to me and thanked me for it.

Yes, it was really hard, both emotionally and physically, to say what I did, but I'm grateful that I did.  In fact, I'd even go as far as to say that it was my smiling heart moment for the day.

Got no checkbooks, got no banks,/ Still I'd like to express my thanks - /I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night. - Irving Berlin, "I Got the Sun in the Morning," 1946

I have to say that if ever there was a time to update this blog, it's on Thanksgiving.  The whole point of this was to remind myself of all the small things and moments that I have every single day to be thankful for.  And even though I don't update this even close to regularly, it has helped me to think about those times.

It's been an amazing weekend.  For starters, it was a long weekend, which is something I am most definitely thankful for.  While I love school tremendously and have met some amazing people and learned some amazing things, it's nice to have a mini break.  Although this break was not nearly long enough.  But enough of that.

The last couple of weeks that I've worked Saturday closes, we've been swamped and the store's been a disaster when it closes.  Which means we get out later than usual, which means it sucks.  However, this Saturday, even though we were busy, my heart smiled when the door closed and I was out of work on time.

Sunday was Thanksgiving with my mom's family.  It was a pigs roast, which wasn't too smiling heart for me, but there was also a kegger, and for that, my heart was smiling.  (Plus I got to see family and all that good stuff). 

Today I got to meet Chris' extended family and have some of his grandmother's homemade lasagna.  It was everything I imagined it to be (super delicious), and his family was very nice and inviting.  My heart is still smiling knowing that that's done and went well.