Happiness is a form of courage. - Holbrook Jackson

It's funny how sometimes moments that make you uncomfortable or stressed can turn into moments that, when you look back on it, are good moments.

Today in class we had a really uncomfortable conversation on the idea of white complicity.  Someone made a comment that wasn't very well received by the class (myself included).  In moments like that, I often like to shrink back and hope that they just resolve themselves and pass.  I don't particularly like getting involved in conflicts, and my immediate reaction is for flight.  However, as the discussion continued on, I realized that I could offer a unique perspective into the conversation, and could feel that others were waiting for me to say something.  I very cautiously put up my hand, then quickly put it back down, but I was too late.  The teacher noticed, and I was eventually called on.

The thing is, I don't really like sharing personal stories in arguments, especially in tense situations where it could be tossed back at me.  I guess I've just been hurt too many times, so I find it easier to withdraw.  So when it was my turn to speak, my heart was thumping like mad, my face turned beat read, my voice was quivering, and my hands were shaking.  But I got what was needed to say out, and afterwards, people came up to me and thanked me for it.

Yes, it was really hard, both emotionally and physically, to say what I did, but I'm grateful that I did.  In fact, I'd even go as far as to say that it was my smiling heart moment for the day.

Got no checkbooks, got no banks,/ Still I'd like to express my thanks - /I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night. - Irving Berlin, "I Got the Sun in the Morning," 1946

I have to say that if ever there was a time to update this blog, it's on Thanksgiving.  The whole point of this was to remind myself of all the small things and moments that I have every single day to be thankful for.  And even though I don't update this even close to regularly, it has helped me to think about those times.

It's been an amazing weekend.  For starters, it was a long weekend, which is something I am most definitely thankful for.  While I love school tremendously and have met some amazing people and learned some amazing things, it's nice to have a mini break.  Although this break was not nearly long enough.  But enough of that.

The last couple of weeks that I've worked Saturday closes, we've been swamped and the store's been a disaster when it closes.  Which means we get out later than usual, which means it sucks.  However, this Saturday, even though we were busy, my heart smiled when the door closed and I was out of work on time.

Sunday was Thanksgiving with my mom's family.  It was a pigs roast, which wasn't too smiling heart for me, but there was also a kegger, and for that, my heart was smiling.  (Plus I got to see family and all that good stuff). 

Today I got to meet Chris' extended family and have some of his grandmother's homemade lasagna.  It was everything I imagined it to be (super delicious), and his family was very nice and inviting.  My heart is still smiling knowing that that's done and went well.

Everything in life happens for a reason so live it, learn it, and love it. Use your smile to change the world; don't let the world change your smile! - Unknown

I attended a Peace and Justice in Education conference today.  I had to wake up at 6am on a Saturday, and it was absolutely dead downtown when I got there.  Let's just say, I wasn't that happy at first.  But the conference itself ended up being amazing, and quickly I realized that it was worth the early morning wake up.  

On top of all the really awesome information, I also saw how many connections and relationships I'm forming with other classmates.  My heart smiled when I realized that I never once was left sitting alone all day, and never found myself unable to find someone to talk to.

It was nice to know that one of my biggest fears of the school year was completely unfounded!

Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye. - Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley,Frankenstein, 1818

This past month has been a total whirlwind.  At times I've felt so overwhelmed by new information, deadlines, and facing my anxiety of public speaking and meeting new people, but I've always felt this sense of "this is where I belong."

However, with being so busy, it's meant that I haven't been around that often and haven't been able to spend the amount of quality time that I like to spend with those I care about.  When I am around, I feel like my head is elsewhere, and a good chunk of the time, I'm just not around.

But, today I got to spend some time with Chris, which felt nice to be able to do.  We didn't do anything spectacular, but play video games, watch an episode of Firefly, and lie around.  And really, that made my heart smile.  Just having the opportunity to turn my mind off and relax for a couple of hours did it for me.

Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different. - Katherine Mansfield

Today was my first day of class!  It went awesome.  After four straight hours of class, I wanted to get home and have some lunch, but I also wanted to get something signed from the registrars office.  My train home comes once an hour, and I was little worried that I'd miss the one by mere seconds and have to wait another hour at the train station for the next one... But not the case!  My heart smiled when all of my running from the subway to the train worked out and I made it to the train in time!  I'm sure this will not be the last time I do this!

There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction. - Salvador Dali

I'm going to do yesterday and then today.

I've been going out with Chris for three months now (maybe longer?) and he's always talking about his friends.  He's known them for 20 years, so obviously he's close with them, which made meeting them a big deal.  Yesterday was finally the big day.  It made my heart smile when we left several hours later and I had a good feeling about the night.

I've been a bit worried about being out of school for so long and now getting back in to it.  It made my heart smile when I finished my homework this morning.

What is possible? What you will. - Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827

I have been waiting for today since early April.  Well, really since last May.  I had a lot of anxiety, but the day finally came and it was great!  Today was my orientation/registration day at school, and it was awesome getting to meet a bunch of people and get a better idea of my program.  Hopefully the rest of the year is just as good!  My heart smiled all day!